Patriarchy meets capitalism meets cultural baggage and how!
So we have a momma, the primary care giver, sacrificing her economic earning power (how can you be paid to bring up kids) while trying to reach new standards of parenting (never before seen in any generation)
She stretches and tries hard and applies all her ability — we all occassionally step in to help and lighten the load (particularly grand parents) but eventually either the winner is the “screen + nanny” or there is a single sided sacrifice of time of her life.
The reasons for what is happening, as I see it are structural (L3)
Children are not meant to be brought up in nuclear families — a child’s appetite for attention, love and care can simply not be met by a handful of people. It shouldn’t be either.
Rather a blend of energies and loves are a healthy diet for any child — a grandpa’s story, a warm hug from aunty and grandma running after the child when they’re eating and s on….
We have taken all of this parenting responsibility and put it all onto one point — the mother. Moreover, we have made it very politically incorrect for a mother to say she’s finding it too much.
Meanwhile, we men can navigate this well and skim the best parts of parenting (like a few hours with the kid a day — not when shit hits the roof but when there are happy times). On the other hand we can keep earning to accumulate economic power that will eventually translate into subtle say in decision making.
Sooner or later the time will pass and we will be able to have a grown up child, the credit for whom we will all take (including the father’s name and surname added at the end)
Meanwhile the mothers, experiencing the strain on their minds, bodies, souls, spirits and careers continue to do the thankless job of bringing up the next generation — a job that is infinitely more valuable than the market would ever like to acknowledge.
Vaah re Capatriarchy (capitalism + patriarchy)!
P.S : Moreover a conversation like this will surely bring in voices of my feminist friends (I am one of you) — pointing out the assumptions and stereotyping in my post. To them I only request that they connect to the spirit of what I am saying and tally it with their own experience of reality.